Depression definition?

I wrote this little article i wrote ages ago. I thought i had put it up here but it doesnt look like i have.
Hope you gain insight from it.
Sorry its not written colorful. I feel too dark to try

Depression. It's a word that gets thrown around a lot, with little understanding on what it's
really like to suffer depression.
The first point I want to make clear is that I'm not talking about normal low moods.
Everyone has there ups and downs.
I'm talking about clinical depression. A medical condition effecting a persons brain and
body.
Depression can effect anyone, young or old.
Sometimes a life event can trigger depression, sometimes it's purely a chemical imbalance,
and sometimes it's a mixture of both.
Some people find talking to a councilor, a friend or psychologist along with some simple
lifestyle changes, can be enough to manage and control their depressive symptoms. But for
those suffering major depression, medication is usually necessarily, alongside psychological
intervention.

For those surrounding a depressed person, it is tough to know how to care for and support
their loved one.

I have been asked many times to describe what it's like to have depression. The truth is, it's
hard for me to know, to be able to express the depth of emotions.
Thats what makes depression so insidious. It effects the sufferers mental capacity in a way
that is hard to explain.

For me, depression is like a heavy cloud, or blanket that weighs me down. Simple tasks
become an effort and I lose motivation to even try. My arms and legs feel like lead weights
and my brain is foggy and unfocused.
My body aches deep inside, and a pain that I can't explain tears away at my inner being.
Hopelessness is overwhelming and I find it hard to see the positive in any situation.
Tears spill out as my sadness boils over. An empty sadness with no cause or cure.
Emotions mix together, fear, sadness, loss, uncertainty, anger,pain. They well up inside until
I feel as if I could explode.

Sometimes these feeling get so overwhelming I find myself reaching for a knife and cutting
myself. It's almost as if I'm unaware I'm doing it, as I get caught up in the intensity of
feelings.
I have to talk myself into getting oout of bed every day, reminding myself to just keep trying,
even though it feels like an unwinnable battle. Often it's too much effort to get dressed.
I feel like I am tearing myself apart. Part of me knows I have an illness, and that negative
thoughts are caused by this illness, but the feelings of unworthiness, of disparity and pain,
are so strong, so loud, it's impossible to ignore, and the line between fiction and reality is
blurred.
It's as if there is a radio station on inside my head, three radio stations. And they are all
telling me how pathetic I am, how unloved and useless I am, how it would be better for me
to die.
It gets so loud inside my head, and I often find myself awake at 2am, with these thoughts
getting louder and louder, stronger and stronger.
These thoughts take over, and I release the pressure by cutting, or curling in a ball and cry
and cry.
I feel like I'm screaming inside and nobody can hear me, nobody can understand my burden.
I have been told to jut get out more, try harder and things will be ok. But I have no pleasure
in life. I love my family to pieces, but i can't bare the responsibility to care for them. I try
every day to 'do' something, but I still feel empty.

I was sitting outside on this beautiful evening. I could see the sun shining through the tree, I
looked around and could see the perfect afternoon and how beautiful the day was, but I
couldn't feel it. I wish I knew what it is like to feel it in my mind, but it is as if there is an
invisible barrier between the world and my senses. I know I should be able to feel it, but like
a stranger I notice that it doesn't penetrate my body into my soul.
It's like my body has become resistant to positive input, it just slides through.
I used to think that peoples who suicide are taking the selfish road, the easy way out.
I disagree with this thought now. When a person becomes so overpowered by intense pain
and helplessness, it's the only option they feel they have left.
The depression takes over and its like watching yourself in third person. Unable to control
your thoughts and actions. It's not the person killing themselves, it's the illness that killed
them.
The thing that makes depression so intense is the fact there is no break from it
Imagine a moment
A time when you felt lonely
A time when you felt scared
A time when you felt sad
A time when you felt out of control
A time when you felt useless
A time when you felt tired.
A time when you just wanted to scream
A time you felt unmotivated.
Now put all those feelings together in one big ball, and imagine having all those feelings at
the same time, 24/7. No reprieve.
You can't look at your own body without a reflection, and depression takes the mirror away.
At the moment, I am flooded with thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. I am tired of the
fight. I'm desperate for silence inside my head. That's why I think about ideath. My mind
tells me it's the only way to gain peace. That I would be benefiting those I care about by
disappearing.
That it's never going to get better.
I'm fighting these thoughts but it's exhausting, and I don't have much left to give. I don't
want to die, but I don't know how to keep on living.
Depression is:
DarknessAnger Crushed
HeavyDraining Shame
Taunting War Blame
Exhaustion. Powerless Regret
Sadness. Burden Fear
ScaryTorment Tears
Lonely. Destroy
Out of controlisolated
TearsPrison
PainSuffocating