Help me find the words

Image result for cartoon picture two friends talking
What can I say, what can you say?

An issue that gets thrown around a lot for me has to do with talking.

I will get asked ‘Why didn’t you tell me it was that bad?’

Often I want to reply ‘why did you not ask?’
Speaking is hard work.
Our words impact, no matter the meaning behind it. Words are important to life.

If I am having a bad day, the last thing I want to do is declare it to everyone.
Mental illness is a very personal and private struggle. There are many feelings of anxiety, worthlessness, guilt, shame, denial, confusion, hopelessness......etc.

It’s not easy to just blurt out ‘hey, just so you know, I don’t want to be alive’

It’s even hard to simply say ‘I’m sad’.

This is one of the ironic symptoms of depression.

The deeper we fall, the harder it is to reach out, which then in turn makes us fall harder and faster.

 Its hard for others to say something as well.
For the people around a person suffering, there is a fear and awkwardness. 
‘Will I say the right thing?’
‘I don’t want to overstep the boundary’
‘I’m not sure if my view is right’
‘If I say something, will it offend them?’
‘My words can never express what I want to say’
‘They must be sick of talking’

When someone i know came to visit me the other day, I smiled and invited them in.
She noticed that I had been crying, and asked if I was ok.
I replied with ‘not really’ but didn’t say any more.
She looked at me and said 'Im here if you need to talk'.
That was the end of that conversation.We then went on to talk about something else.
Although this might sound like a pointless conversation, these two sentences impacted me.
First of all, I felt noticed.
I also felt like she cared enough to say something.
And it helped me to feel relaxed enough to say only what I needed to.

She commented later that it’s hard to know how much to say. She wants to make sure I know she was there to talk, but didn’t want to sound pushy or to sound like she was just saying what was polite or expected.

This is a reminder that it is hard from the other persons point of view as well.

I get anxious sharing anything about me, but then I get upset because nobody understands. It doesn’t make sense. People are not mind readers.
(I hope not....!)

The main thing we need to remember, we are not the only one that struggles with talking. 
And that’s ok.
So long as we push through and still say something when needed.

Sometimes all we need to say is:
‘it’s a bad day, I don’t want to talk’.
Or: ‘I want you to know I’m here if you need me’ 
It doesn’t have to be fancy, inspirational or deep and meaningful. We don’t have to provide all the answers.

I had someone say to me a little while ago ‘I’m thinking of you and I care, even if I can’t always say it’
That made me cry. (In a good way)
One simple statement. In that moment, I felt heard. I felt not alone.

Saying a few words can mean the world to someone.

 Saying the words 'are you ok?' can save someones life.
So say something today. We are all listening!


Feel free to comment. Let me know if there’s something you want me to talk about. 
I’m listening :) 

Ps. A shout out to a great organization called R U OK?
Check it out sometime :) They have a lot of info to help people start the conversation that can change a life. https://www.ruok.org.au

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