identity crisis...

Can existing just..be..? 
What do I mean by this?
It’s hard to explain properly but I will try!
I remember someone asking me who I thought I was. My thinking went like this....
‘I’m a mum?...no, that’s what I do... I’m an Australian?.. no, that’s where I live... I’m a Christian? ...no, that’s what I believe...I’m ’scarlet’?... no, that’s just my name. They are all things about me, but are they actually me? 
Is there really even a ‘me’ at all? 

 Talk about  Identity crisis!! 

 How on earth do I figure this one out?
Its something most people struggle with at at least one point in their life.

 When we suffer from a mental illness, our mind becomes our worst enemy. We tell ourselves that we are not worth it, or that who we truly are is gone. It can be distression and confusing.

 It’s easy for me to say to you don’t worry. You are someone special (because you are!), but that isn’t going to shush the brain talk.

 One thing I have talked to my psychologist about is this. 
I get so caught up trying to figure out who I am, that I actually miss the fact that I am already here. I am me. I cannot be explained or completely accurately correct.
I can describe to you my favorite color, (purple I think), my favorite food (chocolate Tim tams of course!!!).
 I have three beautiful children.
I am the wife of an amazing husband.
I know that God is here with me.
I enjoy art and writing.
I have depression and currently have a DBS device implanted. ( I will add info at the bottom).

 Although these things, as I said before, are a description of what I do, what I like etc, they are also a part of who I am. 
Our soul, is much more complex than we could ever understand. 
This doesn’t mean that if you don’t know your favorite color or what music you like to listen to, that you don’t know who you are, No! 

 It means, just like all of us, you have more life to experience. More journey to take on. 

 When you smile at that funny joke, shed a tear when you hear someone cry. When you long to hug your pillow, or talk to a friend. When you sit and enjoy that cup of tea, or iced coffee. When you open your eyes in the morning. 
These are moments that show who you are. 
You are alive. You are here. You are something beautiful.
Try not to find who you are, just go out and be!


Note: DBS stands for deep brain stimulation. Basically, I have a device in my chest which has been described as a pacemaker for my brain. It is connected to wires with 8 electrodes on the end that have been inserted deep into my brain.
This is part of a trial to treat severe treatment resistant depression.
It’s a full on ride! 

 I will continue to add things about this along the way.

 Thank you for reading! Please take the time to reflect and respond. I would love to hear your thoughts! 
Any questions or suggestions are most welcome! Enjoy yourself and have a good day. 

   

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